I hope this question isn't too much like a submission for an Ask Emma column in your local anarchist newspaper, but I'm having a dilemma, and I feel like some of you may have been in this situation. Minus the bananas. What would you do?
You quit your shitty job and you decide to start processing banana peels into bananidine, the infamous drug that turns people into anarchists. Most of them turn into anarcho-syndicalists so shit's getting weird, but you don't care about the Revolution anymore, you just want to get rich so you aren't bossed around your entire life by your handlers, and maybe if you have some extra cash you'll run around like Doc Sarvis. You accept that you will have to engage in some quite capitalist practices. You also accept you live in a capitalist country where basic resources and necessities are only available under certain circumstances. There's a troll under every bridge, and you're tired of sneaking around it. You want to roll around like Prince John in the animated Robin Hood, except you throw money at all the bandits, and people only carry you around if they think it's funny.
So, you're going to accumulate capital to escape capital. Or at least shed a few of its chains.
You dress up like a Chiquita banana rep, stroll into a grocery store with clipboard in hand, and clean out their entire inventory of bananas. You drive them home, you peel them, you eat the fruit, and you even freeze some for smoothies. Then you spend an hour picking out the little black seeds so you can begin cultivating bananidine, but when they don't germinate, you look it up online and find out they've been bred to be fucked up triploid plants that can't even make viable seeds anymore.
Then you remember your noble goal in life. To be free. From work, at least. So you start scraping the insides of the peels so you can dry the mush and get to selling some banana hash. ....but wow... this is taking a while. You've been up all night scraping and you haven't gotten very far, and your heart sinks: you realize your bananas will be rotten by the time you can scrape them all and you will wake up, each and every day, to your boss's alarm clock screaming at you in the privacy of your bedroom, destroying your innocent rest, always reminding, convincing, repeating a piercing and urgent declaration that your life isn't yours.
oh fuck no. You're going to save these god damn bananas.
You're gonna need some help scraping. You don't have any close friends. ..but you have a few acquaintances, and you know one of them likes smoking weed and hates work, and another one brews kombucha with psilocybin mushrooms, so maybe they'll help you scrape the peels!
But what do you give them in exchange for the help? It's a lot of work and they have busy lives. They won't do it for free. I mean this is real labor that you're going to be profiting off of; they're not just helping you plant your vegetable garden.
Who would I be if I paid my friends here the minimum wage? Who would I be if I even counted the number of hours they helped me? Who wants to quantify everything? Every minute spent stealing bananas? Every peel scraped? (You're not scraping these peels cleanly enough.) How do you put a number on creativity and innovation? Why would you want to? But we're made to. Seems like there is no way to avoid it in a circumstance like this. So if we're going to quantify, how do we do it in the most generous and fair way possible? How do we not exploit anyone?
Or maybe they deserve everything they touch. Because if it wasn't for them, you would have a tiny little batch of bananidine and a whole lot of rotten bananas. So you might as well give it all away anyway, right?? ..but what about the effort and risk and time you spent in acquiring all these bananas? So maybe they get a portion of the bananas they touch?
God damnit. Just thinking all this stuff feels dirty. Here you are, hoarding bananas.
Fuck it, just smoke all the bananas with them and call it a good time. Don't stay up too late though... gotta go to work in the morning.
What do you do?!