In my experience shame and guilt are not good motivators, on the contrary, they're paralyzing. When people are made to feel ashamed or guilty they rarely 'fess up' and go along with whatever demands are being made of them (I've only known this to happen among extremely close friends); more often they feel cornered, singled-out, attacked and get defensive. So unless the person in question is an adversary in such a situation as funky outlined, shame and guilt aren't constructive tools to use, they just amplify and emotionally deepen conflict.
To be honest, the example thought up by Peter Gelderlooz doesn't sound like an example of anarchy working, it sounds like childish collective passive aggressive bullying, albeit in a humorously whimsical form. I think rick hit the nail on the head here, relationships built on manipulating people through shame aren't healthy, and are too close to outright intimidation for comfort. If you want someone to take out the trash, ask them to take out the goddamn trash.
to me passive aggressiveness is a result of not wanting to be in direct conflict with people. that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with guilt/shame. but i just woke up, so maybe i'm not thinking of something.
my point about cultural differences was partly because i see a lot of people (not on here but in general) assuming that talking more and better (more honestly, more directly, more clearly, etc) will solve problems. and i really don't believe that anymore. (sometimes it works for some people, but that's about it.)
in my experience, passive aggressive behavior is often related to (even caused by) guilt or shame. maybe i have a different concept of passive aggressive behavior than you do.
i surely agree that clear, honest, direct (vocal?) communication does not necessarily solve problems. but without it, (at least for me) there is likely a much lesser chance of solving problems. i definitely don't understand your perspective here. maybe you can elaborate a bit? if clear communication is not a useful tool for resolving issues, what tools do you (or would you want to) use?
i can think of a very smart, fun anarchist that we both know, who has often expressed some ideas similar to what i am hearing from you. i have heard them say, unequivocally; "i don't care if people understand me or not...". there are some circumstances where i can understand (and even agree with) that sentiment. but when it comes to meaningful relationships, and particularly when dealing with conflict and resolving interpersonal issues, that perspective is one that i neither understand nor desire in my relationships.
does that make me an anti-nihilist? :-)