I agree with Wolfi Landstreicher when he said in his article "Free Love" that,
The mechanics of erotic desire — homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, monogamy, non-monogamy, etc. — are not the substance of free love. It can manifest in all of these forms and more. Its substance is found in those who choose to expand themselves, to goad themselves to expand their passions, dreams desires and thoughts. Free love, like revolution, acts to recreate reality in its own image, the image of a great and dangerous utopia.
Thus, I would reject the very notion of an "ideal sex setup." In stead, I would argue that any situation in which each individual is a voluntary participant and is free to explore their desires unencumbered by the stale dictates of puritanical morality is consistent with an anarchistic ethic.
This, of course, raises the question of "consent" and what it actually looks. A lot has been said on this topic from a lot of different perspectives, and it can be murky territory trying to wade through it all in an effort to form your own conclusions. The perspective that I have come to over time is simply that, while every sexual encounter must be voluntary for all participants, consent is rendered in different ways that often don't take the form of explicit verbal statements.
The "Can I Kiss You?" trend that is currently in vogue in a large cross-section of the North American Left strikes me as overly paternalistic, stilted, and self-conscious. It tends to remove spontaneity as well as typecast people in the role of "victim." Assuming that no one has been physically coerced or emotionally manipulated into participating in a particular encounter, consent can emerge in far more organic ways. As long as you are acting from motives that respect both your own and the other person's (or people's) autonomy, then consent can emerge as a matter of course.
What I meant by ideal setup was to know if there was the elements of fantasy involved in Anarchistic thought.
It would sort of depend on the individual anarchist you're talking to. No doubt, certain anarchists idealize certain types of relationship models (polyamory, for example), but just as many realize that there's no 'perfect' type of relationship. Monogamy and polyamory each have their own difficulties, and some which they share with each other. But the flip side of this is that both require the same sorts of interpersonal skills to make them work - e.g. honesty, open communication, a willingness to explore and overcome the underlying causes of jealousy, etc.
Why did we ever get so fucked up about fucking anyways?
If you find yourself repeatedly coming back to this question, you are far from alone.
"Monogamy and polyamory each have their own difficulties, and some which they share with each other".
I was having a discussion with a feminist about this and she maintains that monogamy is dead and polyamory is the way forward, but I suggested that wasn't that sustainable either as so many problems would crop up, one prime one, paternity.
I think it goes further back.
"It's almost becoming criminal just to approach a female nowadays."
Yeah, this is sadly the case. I've been accosted by authority figures on numerous occasions for flirting with women or JUST TALKING TO THEM. Of course sometimes i've been "creepy", but I think reporting completely innocuous behavior to someone else who's willing to be an idiot is about a million times as creepy as not having the social skills to know that a woman is secretly thinking about how weird you are. I would prefer the 80's punk/valerie solaris thing of "fuck off you scumbag, stop talking to me" to this super legalized construction of "consent".
Yahoo news is pretending that the Weinstein fiasco and all the people who are making more accusations/filing cases is like some sort of justice, but the only way to stop carreerist sexual harrassment it to get rid of work and carreers altogether, because why isn't someone going to pander to an authority figure when you have to make money to survive, or when you are brought into situations when you just simply CANNOT BE YOURSELF?
'"Monogamy and polyamory each have their own difficulties, and some which they share with each other".
I was having a discussion with a feminist about this and she maintains that monogamy is dead and polyamory is the way forward, but I suggested that wasn't that sustainable either as so many problems would crop up, one prime one, paternity."'
The problem with polyamory is people are just really wretched communicators now adays, and when something emotional and important needs to be said most people would just prefer to cut you out of their life entirely. The problem with monogamy is when your partner does not always make you happy but they expect to be able to control your behavior outside of their presence as well. I honestly want a very intimate, honest relationship and not getting hung up about what they do, but I think that being as cynical and distrustful as i am this is extremely unlikely to happen.
Yeah, that was the way just a decade ago or so. You'd get chatting to a girl and see where it lead. Sex has always been a big part of human life, more for pleasure than procreation. Nowadays it's becoming like you're some kind of pervert to even talk about it.
I gave up reading "the News" as it's just gossiping really or government spin. I am aware of the Weinstein story though as everyone is speaking about that. I was saying to one of my feminist friends that they were all willing to keep it quiet for long enough though, which she thought was very offensive. To me, that's how it is, they wanted fame and fortune and prostituted themselves upon the Weinstein alter. Everyone knows that's been going on since the beginning of movies, and in the music industry as well. Not excusing it, but why get involved unless you are willing to say NO, I will not fuck you you little prick. Hopefully things will change for girls/women but what after this blows over?
The work thing is so huge though, will it change anytime soon? I can see with more and more automation, more and more robots, that work will have to change, but what then of an income as the power Capitalists are still going to be in POWER.
Totally agree about bailing out when one of the partners hits a tough spot in a polyamorous relationship. They'll just run for comfort to another lover. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I think monogamy is best for most people, not as it is for most people nowadays, but taken up a level where there is real equality and relating. People are just so messed up, but won't admit it, and do stupid things all the time where direct communication would clear it up and they could move on.