I'm with you Nihilist. It is refreshing to read real-life, real-time emotions and experiences of fellow amateur truth-seekers. Money was always a motivation for me; not that I wanted money, per se, but I wanted to do something meaningful, and I saw one's profit as a reflection of the value of one's existence.
In recent years, however, my business has gone from highly unprofitable to fairly profitable. And yet I find it completely, utterly unsatisfying. Like you, Nihilist, I could afford to stop working altogether right now, and that is a very disturbing feeling. I don't want to grow my business because that would require hiring an employee, and I am morally very strongly opposed to employment.
Since I consider money a means of communication to encourage those one appreciates, I can't just give it away. Nothing is more degrading than welfare and charity in my opinion. People want to earn respect.
The way I've decided to deal with it is by the unusual tactic of paying my business/trading partners much more than than they expect or ask for. It is fascinating to see what happens. Some people take you as naive and suck you dry; others respond in kind, and an odd negotiation takes place where each party insists the other takes more.
This will, of course, run my business into the ground. But anyway, struggle is more fun than success.
(so now I've got the tax auditors on my ass; they don't seem to understand what I'm doing!)