my behavior started changing before i had any clear idea of how my perspective fit with anarchic thought. those changes were driven by my desires to escape from the trap of modern human democrapitalism. i became aware of anarchic thinking - at least the post-left, anti-civ ideas that most resonated with me - very shortly after i started changing my life/behavior. at which point behavioral changes and desire for anarchy became a largely indiscernible distinction.
how do people change? that is a $64,000 question. for me, change is/was driven by desires and priorities. i knew what kind of life i did not want, long before i discovered the kind of life i did want. the more i discovered about the life i wanted, the more i saw how well it worked with the anarchistic perspective i was developing.
for me, anarchy is primarily about how i relate with myself and the world around me, including (primarily) other individuals. i think relationships can be a huge factor in how people change. i know that my long term partner and myself have been very influential in how we have each changed as individuals, both in thought and in behavior. i would say that is due to the depth of our relationship as well as being (at least somewhat) open-minded. trust, respect and a willingness to see where our thoughts/behaviors might not really be serving our desires.
i feel like i am just stating the obvious. maybe this should be a comment rather than an answer.