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How should an anarcho-communist deal with a cheating spouse?

0 votes
I have come into anarchy in the last year or so and would like to break the cycle of force/manipulation etc.
asked Dec 7, 2013 by anonymous
Most anarchists (including anarcho-communists) choose to remain outside the bounds of relationships sanctioned by the state and/or religion. Instead of asking about a cheating spouse, perhaps you should ask about breaking the cycle of exclusivist/monogamous marriage.
relevant: how should an anarcho-communist deal with a deadbeat tenant? how should an anarcho-communist deal with a runaway slave? how should an anarcho-communist deal with a disrespectful student? how should an anarcho-communist deal with a disobedient soldier? how should an anarcho-communist deal with a disappointing son?
Ha Ha !!!
questioner, besides what other people said, this isn't the sort of question that can be addressed in the abstract.
but i think i probably support you breaking the cycle of force/manipulation. i expect. seems likely, anyway.

edit: also
http://anarchy101.org/1017/anarchist-relationships-how-does-that-work
in addition to "spouse" being a questionable term for an anarchist (as lawrence and flip pointed out), i would say "cheating" is questionable as well. to "cheat" is to disobey some "rule", is it not? in this case, the rule would be (i assume) "monogamy". so i might ask if there was such an agreement?

and that points to what i think the question is really asking: how can an anarchist deal (anarchistically) with unacceptable/undesirable behavior (including dishonesty) towards them by a trusted friend?

excuse me for stating the obvious, if that is what i just did.
f@, i think these kinds of restatements-in-different-words can be quite helpful.

...this site continues to be a challenge along the lines of differentiating between trolls and honest beginner questions....

2 Answers

+2 votes
I don't call myself an anarcho-communist, but I'll answer the question as if you were asking how an anarchist would deal with the situation.

It's all contextual, right? I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all solution. Instead, I think an anarchist would ask themselves fundamental questions about the situation to better understand it in order to make a decision. Why was the person cheating? What were the conditions that led to that happening? What was the relationship like beforehand?

An anarchist would keep in mind that peoples' behavior is begotten by the conditions that led them to where they are (and vice versa at the same time). Cheating may be a result of some unfulfilled need, a response to a perceived sleight, or maybe even just an individuals' desire for passion.

Also an anarchist would probably ask: Why marriage? It's a relationship based on possession and control, sanctified by the state in order to maintain a stable family unit that serves as a foundation for much of the labor that capitalism requires.
answered Dec 8, 2013 by flip (4,000 points)
–5 votes
Force and manipulation are facts of life; you can't break the cycle.

But if it makes you feel better, dump the bitch. You can't manipulate someone if you cut him/her out of your life.
answered Dec 9, 2013 by MrThisBody (1,650 points)
edited Dec 10, 2013 by MrThisBody
MTB:force and manipulation are facts of life, of course, but that does not mean that a particular cycle (specifically the one alluded to here), can't be broken.
also - calling someone a bitch is hardly helpful in figuring out what to do assuming that they actually want to stay in relationship (especially since bailing on relationships is endemic in this culture). although you do bring up, in a problematic way, the question of codependent relationships.

whatever.
profanity is most fun when it's funny.
you were not funny. :(
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