What are peoples thoughts on relationship anarchy?I'm not just making stuff up by adding the term "anarchy" next to nouns, like relationship. I've seen people on sites like okcupid or tinder refer to themselves as relationship anarchists among like 20 other things they identify as. Here's the relationship anarchy's manifesto if you're unfamiliar with it, just as I was.
i'd say one can make a distinction between every relationship, not with labels, but with description....
i have "friends" with varying levels of intimacy and trust, wide differences in how much time (and the ways) i interact with them, etc...people have neighbors they see every day they don't call friends, but still have a relationship with....
but i like the rejection of labels, and perhaps "primary" still works as shorthand for describing a very intimate relationship with someone (and even then, i know all sorts of couples where the relationship as i'd describe it varies significantly from one couple to another), but i still prefer a description of (and stories about) a relationship (whether "primary" or "friend") and my experience of a relationship, including those between other people with me around them. that feels much more valuable, interesting, insightful than a label for a relationship....or for any"thing" for that matter.... :)
The way "relationship anarchists" have described it online makes it seem like it's not all that different from a "normal" or "poly" relationship. Like they can love as many people as they decide, but that's just polyamorous if I'm not mistaken. They value autonomy and direct communication, and feel they don't need to ask permission from their partner to do things, but will talk to their partner on how their partner feels about it.They state that one should not based their relationship around a sense of entitlement and respect the other person individuality. So, like one partner cannot dictate to the other partner on how they feel a "normal" relationship is supposed to be and no compromises. Instead let the partner choose their own path without their decision causing turmoil in the relationship and upsetting people, but each partner chooses what they want the relationship to be or look like instead of cultural norms determining it. One should not be with the person because how they make you feel, but how you feel about themThen there is the no distinction between friend or gf/bf thing. This seems to mean, if I understand correctly, like one cannot pull the ultimatum card out and dictate who he/she can interact with or else thing and one should not allow for one relationship to take precedence over another relationship. Like your intimate relationship you have had with one person for many years should not trump your other relationships, like hypothetically your best friend or the person you shoot the shit with. Allowing for one relationship to take priority over another is apparently hierarchical because it can make it seem like you're just hanging out with them because your free or can make them feel like they're applying for your friendship.So, from what I've read about it is that you should not be abusive in your relationships. Also, they should probably not focus that much on the terms society gives for different relationships and to ignore those MRA/PUA dudes. I guess combining anarchy or anarchist with other terms is a fad or something.
Hey dot. I’ve sat at this keyboard for 20 minutes and come up with two lines. Heads-up for clunky language. Also, I really do communicate and think figuratively more often than not, and, just as often, it’s a lot more work for me to write differently. (I’m not trying to be elusive or cute or whatever with all my metaphors and analogies. Often, I’m like, “what is that dang word that people use for this phenomenon? All well, it’s now a “vessel of freedom made of kinship-whispers and stars.” And, not from studying it myself, but an anti-civ friend told me that metaphorical language was “a thing.” So, I’ve heard this, but, really, it’s because “i don’t know probably drugs and stuff." ;)
“that nothing is necessarily anarchistic:” So, any line that I draw for what is or is not anarchistic is very far away. AND/OR binaries are sometimes appropriate but always incredibly powerful and I don’t use them often. AND/OR searching for perfect anarchistic what-have-you is some puritanical phobia of a “dirty, filthy, unfit, diseased, soft, daft, contaminated, tainted” idea or person coming in contact with your pure-bred dog “Struggle” or virgin daughter “Theory.” In the other writing, I was only trying to call 1. Coercing someone to have sex with you and 2. Playing “God-King-Capitalist-Dictator-Shit” as NOT ANARCHIST. (Full-subjective-binary-power-engaged!)“including things with the name anarchy in them:” Yes, I’m pretty sure there is a company that sells “green anarchy” vape-juice. Other than edgy marketing, I rarely burn anyone’s black flag or whatever. My thinking on this is the same as number 1 with a splash of “that’s hugely boring to me” for derisive smokey-notes and a squeeze of “snobbery doesn’t match my curtains” just for fun.3a. “that the description of relationship anarchy sounded mechanistic to you…” I’m not sure if you’re asking about the anarchy101 question or the manifesto. “mechanistic” could work to describe my opinion. “role-play,” “staged,” “moralistic” come to mind.
3b. “and that's no way to come at relationships or people:” I guess that it technically is. I mean, there’s a lot of shitty relationships out there. har-harum, is this a question about what I want? What I think is a standard of “anarchistic relationship?” or about my ethics or what-have-you?
dd: "I think they are just trying to say no rules/restrictions."
not sure which "they" you are referring to, but in my experience, poly relationships are definitely not (necessarily) without rules/restrictions. the scenarios i found most useful defined some very basic ground rules, which were always open for discussion and/or modification by those involved. a common example of such a ground rule might be: sex with anyone outside the agreed/implied relationship must be protected.
generally speaking, a "healthy" poly relationship would be handled in much the same way any loving and meaningful relationship would be handled in my ideal world: with honesty, respect, humor, and constant evaluation of the happiness of all involved; along with the inherent understanding that anyone can bail whenever the fuck they want (hopefully with communication about why).
I was referring to the people on dating sites the original poster was talking about when I said they, as in humans quote below. and "they" were calling themselves relationship anarchists. I came to the conclusion they meant no rules by this because human said:
"It's apparently not poly because they say poly adheres to the same rules of monogamy, just with multiple partners. They don't. It's like they claim to reject putting different degrees of importance between relationships. Putting degrees of importance on various personal relationships is hierarchal"
I think you should reread what I said because I think you did not understand. I was not saying polyamory is exclusively "no rules or restrictions" but rather that it includes multiple different arrangements including what you described.
"look at the word poly-multiple amory-lovemultiple loves/lovers/relationshipsthat's pretty broad and if you asked me it includes anything from being monogomish (swapping partners or occasionally stepping out with permission), to polygamy, to what it sounds like they are trying to describe which is total loose relationships, and multiple partners with NO rules. I think they are just trying to say no rules/restrictions."